the OG is gonna lay down some
no mud no lotus.
the stinkier the sh!t the more beautiful the flowers.
The darkness is the duality to the light. The seed must first be planted in fertile darkness and be buried very deep down in there, germinating and taking root in order to eventually seek out the light. Basically, when we root to the darkness and become awake to our shadow we can rise and grow and blossom while keeping our firm footing deep in the soil of Mother Earth.
You see, we are the light, we are the dark, we are the darkest of starry night skies. we are thousands of endless miles of mystery and depth and shadow. There is nothing to fear, this magick, this darkness. The darkness is what makes the light be anything at all. without it there is no contrast.
Once I was lost in an emotionally abusive relationship. This person thought I was a failure and this person felt sorry that I took up so much space on this earth. I was told I was fat, needed to be different than I was and simultaneously this person thought I was better than others based on how I looked. I focused on creating an outer image that I thought was what would help me become free. It was all a trap. I was mentally trapped. When I started to wake up from this abuse I was in Jail. I remember calling the man I was dating and living with from jail, my one phone call, the man who had put all of my possessions out on the sidewalk, so when I got home we got in a fight about it, and a neighbor called the police. I remember he picked me up by my ears and lifted my body up squeezing my head really hard. He threw me against the wall and when I fought back with a bite things escalated in noise and energy. When the cops came I sat quiet as he told lies to them. I guess I didn’t have the strength at that point to even stick up for myself.
The silent handcuffed ride to the police station really hurt my wrists. I called him from Jail. I told him I loved him and would he please come and get me out of there. I was scared. He never came. My parents left me in there too. I remember my mother saying if I wanted to do that Yoga teacher training I had to choose bail or teacher training. The bail was set at 3k. It was my girlfriend Kara that finally pressured him to get me out. She had seen bruises on my arms once 6 months before and when she asked I told her that he had grabbed me hard. When I was in jail that time I wrote myself a letter. The spirit of this universe channeled through me that I was put in jail to finally wake up from this emotional abuse. To wake up from the illusions I was living and take action. I was to free myself from myself.
You see, I was the abuser. I was the one who was abusive to me. If you are letting ANYONE treat you badly it is only a reflection of WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF. Why do we think these things about ourselves? I’m unworthy, I’m fat, I’m not smart enough or pretty enough or rich enough. Who taught us all of these thoughts? The man that I was dating was addicted to some high strength pain medication, alcohol, cigarettes and he was a casual cocaine user. I didn’t even know about that until years later. He had seemed so great when we met. Ancient Karma. Truth was I was in a desperate place and he was the latest reflection of what I thought of myself based on these teachings that I now know come from the system put in place to inoculate and control me since birth.
I was in court for 2 months with a free lawyer appointed by the state. The state was the one pressing charges. It was my siSTAR Kara testifying in court to the previous bruises that finally cleared the charges. I even had pictures of the day I went to jail, covered in black and blue bruises, he wasn’t pressing charges, California was. I got see firsthand the sickness in that system. Nobody cared about me in there. The administration was cold and my tears were wasted. In the end I was vindicated and I moved on with life. I am grateful for that dark and scary experience but it taught me many things. One thing I didn’t learn until years later is that IT TAKES TWO TO FIGHT. You can always leave any situation. Just walk away. Get outta there. WALK AWAY FROM NEGATIVE ENERGY! YOU DON’T OWE THAT PERSON ANYTHING. Walk towards the light and stay there until the energy has shifted. It also taught me that family is ancient Karma and we cannot value ourselves based on what our family thinks of us, only WE KNOW THE TRUTH DEEP INSIDE.
Another lesson was, be kind to womyn, you never know when you are gonna need your sister, and your sisters got your back! It also taught me not to move in with men quickly, and if it starts dramatically it will probably end that way. It taught me that everything happens for a reason.
Since my deeper souls work and destiny is to work with victims of domestic violence and sexual exploitation, I had to go through these portals in order to understand how they happen. How do beautiful girls with all the potential in the world end up with so much trauma, pain and sadness in their lives? I found the answer. It’s kinda complicated. It has to do with HERSTORY and the programming of the divine feminine. That is another post altogether. Recently in a hotel in Mexico I woke up to a womyn's voice above me screaming “help me! someone help me!” there were crashes and bangs and it was almost 5 am, she was waking up the whole hotel. It eerily reminded me of my past. I wanted to run to her. Later she was literally picking up clothing that he had thrown off the balcony, right outside my window. I looked into her eyes and told her not to let anyone treat her badly ever again. To get up and walk away. To walk towards the first womyn she sees and ask for help. I don’t know if anyone will help her next time but maybe you will be the one, maybe you will have read this story and your heart will open up to her cries.
My friend Kara is also the one who told me about the yoga teacher training program called White Lotus Foundation. I began my training 5 months later. It’s been over a decade since then. I now lead empowerment retreats & workshops globally. My school of consciousness called Infinite Source Yoga is a lifestyle school that will deprogram your mind, empower your physical body and awaken your spirit like NO OTHER TRAINING OF ITS KIND. I will never forget the way my BIRCH Kara had my back. She was scared to speak out because her then husband was friends with my abuser but she did anyways. Thank you Kara.
I will never forget the stupidity of the system and how many people are fighting a pointless fight in court right now when they need to be swimming in a warm ocean and stretching their beautiful bodies, possibly even naked in the sand.
Most people in the system are broken from their youth and need an ISY empowerment training and healing retreat lifestyle. This is the truth. We all deserve the light. I went thru many more dark portals before and after this experience. I am the strongest womyn I know. I am learning to become soft again after years and years of building a wall of protection around myself and fighting to survive. I birthed two amazing children, one on my own in the privacy of my treehouse in the forest in a pool of water. I do believe all of my dark portals have created a light werker that is powerful and here to help lead the divine feminine to victory. I believe in myself because I had to.
Please consider beginning this journey toward the truth of your soul, before you attract the negative energy on the outside that is swirling in your head. Know that you are perfect AS YOU ARE, with all of your “flaws” and Great Mystery APPROVES OF YOU EVEN IF YOU DO NOTHING BUT BREATHE ALL DAY LONG. Start the journey towards love and acceptance of yourself. Let your past EMPOWER you to discern and create light rooted in the darkness of fertile soul. On March 23rd for this lunar eclipse full Moon in Virgo, the sign of healing and the Goddess, it is the perfect time to release any limiting beliefs about yourself, time to let go of any and all old ideas about who you are. To release old pain and transcend into truth consciousness. YOU ARE A DIVINE BEING capable of creating worlds. Value yourself and your outer world will slowly shift to represent these changes.
Continue to harness your creative power by THINKING LIGHT THOUGHTS & watch in amazement and the universe conspires to align your desires. Keep inhaling the divine love of all light, in through your nose and exhaling out what no longer serves. We make it true when we talk about it so clean up your story. If it’s not empowering you it’s time to let it go! We become what we look at and think. We are what we eat. Pay attention to what is ready to be released and what is being birthed by you. Your dark and your light are necessary components to your whole. You got this video game called life. Close your eyes to really see and navigate the inner space of your being with the brightest light available to us all, the infinite breath.
I love you
This blog was originally posted on oneOeight.tv