BLOOMING FROM THE WOUND WHERE I ONCE BLED

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Wow, I really know this concept like the back of my hand! I have lived it. Deep down in the dark muddy waters, I wade. I usually commiserate there for a while and then somehow I pull up my bootstraps, call on my ancestors, and make it through the trenches. I am still blooming, however, or maybe this is me full bloom and I’m just not aware of it yet. I am called to share a little about my three experiences in jail. How each of these experiences taught me that God’s love is the most powerful energy. To trust in the unseen and especially in myself. That everything we go through in this life is an activation FOR US designed BY US on a soul level. 

My first embarrassing and slightly traumatic time in jail I was 17. I stole some shorts for my best friend from a popular store on the Santa Monica promenade. I wanted to get her a gift but had no money. I was in the bunk bed cell overnight and was banned from the store for life. It was my first taste of incarceration and I felt like the biggest loser in the world. When they caught me my face was beet red and my body was hot. I wanted to melt into the floor. That lotus bloomed only a little from that journey. It took me another 7-year cycle to truly learn the hard lessons of Sacred Space. What doesn’t belong to me, I DON’T TOUCH. I had a couple more lessons (like borrowing a friends item and not returning it and the guilt that ensued) that solidified this teaching. I have struggled with self-worth issues my entire life. I believe a low self-worth can lead to feeling the NEED for things and the literal disorder of not having the control to not touch what isn’t ours. As a grown goddess now I am actually SO sensitive to this concept and bless my hands all day with sacred intention as I touch anyone and anything. It’s been a long journey, but I wouldn’t give up the hard lessons that led to this beautiful sacred way of being. 

The second time I found myself in jail was due to a very traumatic abusive relationship. He beat me and called the police on me claiming I had ‘come at him’. When I went to San Francisco County Jail, at 21 years old, I used my one phone call to call my abuser. During my week there amongst the drug addicts and very hard violent men, I channeled a letter from Source to myself. Source exclaimed I put myself there to wake up. To wake up from the slumber of living with a man who was addicted to pills and beating me. That if I wanted to die I should stay with him. That I needed to respect myself and get away from that awful scenario or more of this madness would ensure. My friend forced him to make my bail after about six days. It took me another six months to fully release myself from that abuse. Over that six months, the state of California tried to prosecute me. It was my friend’s testimony, that she had seen me with bruises, that finally cleared my name many months later. There were even pictures from the jail with my face covered in bruises! I had to trust but was then still learning this concept. I had no money, but my court-appointed attorney represented me well and my name was cleared. That was the year I had been practicing yoga two times a day and my consciousness was blooming. It was my first YTT that finally pulled me away from that relationship for good. 

My final jail experience was learning that the matrix is full of dark energies and to GET OUT OF THERE QUIETLY. Also that I am protected by God/Goddess and to TRUST.  I had just moved to the nearby town of Topanga, located in the forest. I was feeling very deeply connected to nature for the first time in nearly 20 years. I was on my way to teach at the most famous yoga studio in the world. In LA I pulled over to read a text message, unknowingly next to a fire hydrant. A meter man approached my window and told me to “Move my fucking vehicle.” I responded with a sassy, “What makes you think you can talk to a woman that way?” He then walked behind my car and started writing me a ticket. I wanted to drive away but his meter car and a car in front of me were blocking me in. I had just paid $500 for other tickets and felt desperate. I got out of the car to try and beg the man to not write me a ticket. I approached him and he then threw me against my car. I hit my head hard and felt a surge of adrenaline. I was at the peak of my physical strength at that time, pressing to handstand on my fingertips. I instinctually wrapped my arms around the quite chubby meter man, moved him to the left, and jumped in my Civic and got out of there. As I drove away I heard him saying “Assault, I am being assaulted.” Within seconds six police pulled me over. I got out of the car and apparently, they were yelling, “Get down on the ground,” but I just stood there with my head still aching. They arrested me, impounded my vehicle, and put my french bulldog in the pound. The crooked cops actually even stole my new iPod and left the receipt in the bag! In jail that night I was ‘felt up’ by a female officer while a few male cops watched, me wearing my summer yoga gear. I meditated in my cell and wondered how was this happening to me? I’m a yogi! I don’t do anything wrong now! I teach at Exhale! I was beyond crushed. My best Beverly Hills private client happened to be a lawyer and she made my 3K bail. She found me a criminal defense attorney because California was again charging me, attempted manslaughter with a deadly weapon was the charge. I couldn’t believe it. He claimed I tried to run him over with my car! My life savings of 10k went to this lawyer. I will definitely write about this in my book, but to make a long story short it took an entire year to clear my name. Finally, the lawyer got the records of this meter man who had a history of violence. I had no money left and no lawyer at the end of the case. I went to court the final time representing myself. That morning I awoke at 4 am and stood on top of the mountain in Topanga. I proclaimed out loud to Source, “I TRUST YOU SPIRIT!” and stretched my arms out wide. I dressed in a long shamans robe for court, clean face, I was 4 months pregnant with Satya. I was peeing nonstop! There was a prosecuting attorney whose job it was to keep my case in trial. She went to the bathroom, and then the magical unexpected happened, this blonde witch judge called my case right then. “I call the State versus Ashley Albrand to the floor. I find the defendant not guilty. Does anyone object?” She asked this last question to the empty chair.The chair that had objected for one entire year and that was it. I was finally free! All charges dropped and the scary nightmare over. I bawled the entire way home thanking spirit for my life and promised to never not trust again. I saw the corrupt system first hand. The masked men and women that work for the government. The high heels and the nooses around the men’s necks. I knew it was time for me to completely exit a sick society, and I did. I learned not to ever speak in a fiery way to an official government employee. The Ani Difranco line I had been listening to since I was 16,  “Smile pretty and watch your back”, finally had real meaning. 

I am currently involved in a custody case with a polyamorous bisexual that I was manipulated by and never married to. He is claiming that I abducted my daughters from California. I know the lotus will blossom and I send all angels reading this the strength to trust the Source and know that the muddy waters of life are designed by your soul to strengthen you and help you rise in your divine power. The seed must be planted in the deepest darkest soil to take root. The Sahasrara chakra is the thousand-petaled lotus blooming at the crown of the head. May you keep reaching for the light in all of your dark moments, trusting the experience is for your ascension. In times of “Why me? How is this happening to me?” I want us to meditate on the lotus in full bloom, breathing deep inhales and trusting in the unknown. Stretch our arms out to the side and bless our lives with the magic. Then reach down pull up our bootstraps and take a giant step into the mud.

Keep rising, opening, and expanding towards the light! 

Love, OG